yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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