3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
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I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
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He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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