imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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