sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
