running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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