was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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