I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
