He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
