capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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