Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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