I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
