morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
