i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
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I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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