I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
