I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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