just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
