Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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