We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
