There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
