Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my being single is dangerous.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize