Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
