the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
When did angry sex become our thing?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
