Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think people are normalizing furries
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
