Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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