Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
