There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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