Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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