i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
