his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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