Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My penis needs a shock collar
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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