The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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