My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
