Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
