just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
