Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
