Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
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no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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