Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
