What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
