i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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