Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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