I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
