Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
