I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
