whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
