It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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