the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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