I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
