well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
