I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
