I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
