i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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