wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
