Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
