i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
