the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
