you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize