EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
