elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.