In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
from now on my penis is your penis
I think I won the penis lottery.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
