I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...