My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job