I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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