dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
