It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
