Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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