Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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