Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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