I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I am spending my child support on dildos
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
