A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
