how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
